⌈ Secret Post #1089 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

101.

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Notes:

RE: Imageshack:
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If you want your secret to not be broken, don't use it. Easy enough.

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Maybe I'm completely off-base here, but is anyone else annoyed when Americans attempt to write British English? I'm not talking about when an American is writing for a British fandom - then it makes sense to me. If you're an American author and you write in the Torchwood fandom, go ahead and use words like torch, especially in dialogue, and spell words like color with a u. That doesn't bother me. What's starting to really irritate me is when an American author writing for an American-based fandom picks and chooses when to spell words using the British English spellings. So you're reading this story, and all of the sudden a character goes "Hey, can you toss me that green-coloured flashlight and your cell?" To me, that's like mixing two different languages together. Especially because I read a word like "colour" or "realise" with a slightly different inflection than I would read those same words with the American English spelling. So suddenly, I'm not sure whether or not the author is trying to look hip or if the character just isn't sure what continent he or she is from.

Like I said: maybe this isn't something that should bug me. Maybe I'm the only person who winces at it. But it seems a bit pretentious to me. And it's something that's started to get under my skin and just throw me out of a story. There's something jarring about seeing British English spelling with American English words when you're writing in an American fandom. I think the same would be true in reverse, though I see that much less. Maybe you Brits are just more on top of things. I rarely see something like "Hey, can you toss me that green-colored torch."

I'm not really trying to pick on anyone with this. It's just something that bugs me, and I'm curious to know if other people get thrown for a loop when they encounter American English words mixed with British English spellings (or the opposite), too.

ETA: This isn't aimed at ESL speakers. I wrote this mostly because I have an friend who is American who insists on using British spellings in an American fandom (and every other time she writes). Not British words, which I could forgive because I'm not going to get on a Brit's case for using the words and spellings that are familiar to them, but just the spellings.

You want to write Ayane/Kasumi? I'm fine with it. Hell, DoA is built on a foundation of shameless fanservice, I don't mind femmeslash, and the pairing's interesting.

The problem here, specific you, is in the timing. Of all the times for Ayane to reevaluate how she feels about Kasumi, after winning her match against her in the tournament of DoA 2 is not the one you should have picked, mainly because Kasumi would be dead at that point.

Yeah, Kasumi canonically wins that fight for a reason - if you win as Ayane, it's either heavily implied she leaves Kasumi for dead in the snow, or (depending on triggers) is outright shown finishing her off with a jutsu of some description*. If you had changed the leadup to this battle it could have worked, or made it some manner of deathfic, but as a starting point for a relationship, not so much.

tl;dr: if you're going to break canon in a fighter, make sure the developers didn't account for that.

*Admittedly, these scenes are only present in DoA 2 Ultimate, but given it's a fighting game, it's generally accepted you take what canon you can get.

In theory, maybe I deserve it from the fact that my guilty pleasure is reading My Chemical Romance fan fiction, but...

There's a lot that could be said about this fan fic. Anatomy fail. The fact that Mikey Way is not eight-years-old and probably shouldn't act like he is. The random bringing in of that-one-guy-from-Panic! At the Disco who this fic insists is very Mormon and very against sex when I'm like 95% sure that's what all of their songs are about (could be wrong, don't listen to them).

( cut for mentions of rape/incest/possibly triggering material. )

I popped my fanficrants cherry and it felt good. :o

Consider this rant non-spoilery :)

Dear various Merlin authors...

1. Uther might not be the nicest guy in the world, but he isn't out-right evil. He's not a murderer, a rapist, a sadist, an abuser, or all those things combined. And he doesn't hate magic/sorcerers for the lulz. No, really. He genuinely wants the best for Camelot and Arthur... even if some of his actions are questionable. So it's a shame to see you demonize him in all of your fics while forgetting/ignoring his good traits simply because he's "not a very nice character on the show". If he was nice, a good chunk of the show's drama would be gone!

Alternatively, turning Uther into a goody-goody (and ignoring/forgetting his bad points) also isn't the way to go...

2. So you've written a fic that revolves around Uther's reaction to finding out Merlin is a sorcerer and what Merlin would do in that situation. Ok, that's a pretty cool premise.
But... it doesn't look like you've actually considered how Uther would react to finding out Merlin is a sorcerer. He wouldn't accept it, he wouldn't allow Merlin to stay in Camelot, and her certainly wouldn't let Merlin continue being Arthur's manservant. Way to miss a big part of Uther's character.
He'd most likely have Merlin executed. Seriously. No matter how nice a guy Merlin is or how much Arthur might protest, Uther's reaction still isn't going to be pretty.

3. Also, if Uther ever stumbled upon Merlin and Arthur doing naughty things to each other, I doubt he'd be supportive of it. Nor would he congratulate them or throw a banquet in honour of their newly-formed relationship. He'd. Be. Angry. He'd be VERY angry.

As far as I know, Gin Ichimaru doesn't say "y'all."

Thanks.

I say y'all. Other speakers of Southern American English say y'all. I do not think I've ever heard or read Gin Ichimaru saying y'all.

EDIT:  Also, guys, please don't actually list out in bullet pointed reasons in fic when you're writing narrative POV stuff.  It's just really, really awkward, because half the trick of a POV narrative is to sound natural to the character.

...Trust me, while in some cases it would work, in this instance it was all kinds of awkward.

EDIT 2: I might just want to add that you should get your idioms right.  It's "talk smack," not "speak smack," and anyway, again, I'm not sure that's in character for Gin Ichimaru to say.

Two posts in one day, I'm on a roll...

Anyway, you know what would be really great? If genderswap fics could stop talking about the female body as a downgrade. Because it seems like lately every single m-f genderswap fic I read goes on in great, loving detail about how hot our hero is now that he's a heroine, and then goes on in equally loving detail about how s/he is now small, fragile, weak and slow. And delicate. And did I mention pretty? And weak? And SMALL?!

Newsflash.

Women are on average shorter than men. That does not mean that all of us are tiny; it just means that we're not going to be as tall as a guy with a similar genetic background. So, if a tall muscular guy got turned into a woman, s/he'd still be a pretty tall, muscular woman. Probably not over 6', no, but probably not under 5'2", either. For example, I come from a tall family. My brothers and father are all over six feet tall, broad-shouldered and muscular. I, obviously, am shorter than them, but you know what? I'm still tall, broad-shouldered, and muscular for a woman.

I get that this is genderswap and obviously outside the bounds of modern medical purview, but there's making up your own rules, and then there's using 'female' as a shorthand for 'instantly useless in a fight'.

Women have approximately 50% less upper-body strength than men. The difference in leg strength is negligible, and largely due to the difference in size. We tend to be slower in a sprint, as well, and we're more likely to blister and bruise. (It's worth noting, though that up to a certain point, speed and strength have a lot to do with working out, and a guy who's in peak physical condition is not going to turn into a woman who can't open a pickle jar on her own. Cute as you might think it is).

However. Women are considerably more flexible and dexterous, have better balance, and can sustain effort at maximum capacity for longer. We're much less likely to go into shock and die after sustaining severe physical trauma. Oh, and we can survive starvation, dehydration, and oxygen deprivation for longer, too. We're not a poor second to men, we're just a different freaking design. So it would be really fucking awesome if people writing genderswap stories could stop talking about half the human race like we're a bunch of helpless ornaments.

tl;dr: Just once, I want to see a genderswap story that has the protagonist being pleasantly surprised about some aspect of being female that doesn't involve sex. I mean, seriously, what the hell is the point of writing a subversive concept if you're just going to use it to underscore the same old tired sexist bullshit?

The other day, while browsing the Pit, I noticed that there was a section for Big Wolf On Campus. I cheered, as I'd considered it a cheesy but fun werewolf sitcom that few had heard of, right up there with Dead Last. So I decided to browse a bit.

Most of it seems to be slash, which didn't really deter me -- the buddy dynamic could be developed easily enough.

But what threw me off was the fact that most of the fics seemed to entirely ignore the entire aspect of the show that involved werewolves and the paranormal. Given that it was a monster-of-the-week type of show and half the main pairing was a werewolf, this is rather confusing.

It's like reading a story from the HP section that leaves you needing to check that no, it wasn't labeled as a non-magic AU.

Listen. Sam and Dean Winchester are both paranoid. Now, granted, they have every right to be, considering their lives.

They have demons after them. In the time period that your story was written and posted, dear author, they had the FBI after them- and probably a laundry list of other alphabet soup agencies. Late season two Winchesters would not head straight for the NCIS labs, just because they got a phone call from their deceased father.

They'd be a lot smarter then that. If they didn't blow it off- because they might just think it was either a trap by the YED, or possibly the FBI- they'd be very careful. They might approach the character they wanted to talk to somewhere away from work.

They'd also plan their aliases a lot better.

Note: This story was written and posted several months before Long Distance Phone Call aired.

In summary: Sam and Dean know they've got a lot of people and creatures after them. They wouldn't walk right into a potential trap without some sort of plan.

Dear Fic Writer,

Feedback on your stories is usually given by other people, not yourself. However, if you are going to leave a glowing review for your own lackluster story since nobody else is impressed with the mediocrity, you might want to make sure you are posting the comment anonymously so you don't look like a fuckwit.

XOXO,

Me

zutara_fan_14 
        About this story:
Setting: Starts preseason
Summery: What would happen if Zuko and Katara knew eachother wehn they were younger, but they where split p? Would they meet again? How? What would happen?
        About this chapter
Word Cound: 361
Rating: K
Setting: Preseason. In Ursa's Room.  

Here's the story:
zutara-fan-14.livejournal.com/9676.html
Please read and tell me what you think!!!!

You know what? Some people just like sex.

Seriously. Not every promiscuous character on the planet sleeps around to hide the angst in their emo little heart. Not all of them are going to give up their wicked ways and become wholesome and virtuous (and straight. and vanilla) if their emotional issues are resolved.

I'm not saying that it's always healthy, but when you have a outgoing character who likes to get laid a lot, you may want to consider the fact that's just the way he/she is. Not all non-normative sexual practices are illnesses that need to be cured. Sometimes horny is just horny.

This rant is brought to you by Jack Sparrow, Jack Harkness, Catherine Willows, Dean Winchester, Kaylee Frye, and the letter Q.

Thank you.

Dear Glee fanfic writer,

...since when was Kurt ever happy-go-lucky?

 Dear certain Reborn! fanfic writer,

I was excited to see your story - after all, it's rare that fanfic writers explore Tsuna's love for Kyoko before he moves on to love a different person.Tsuna's feelings are normally handwaved away or forgotten about completely, so it was good to see someone exploring it and writing it out before putting Tsuna together with another character. 

Then you had Kyoko cheat on Tsuna with a random guy - several random guys if I read correctly just because she could. Sasagawa Kyoko of all people. Barely a month into a relationship. Just so Tsuna could get his heartbroken and run off to some other guy's waiting arms. 
...what.

Okay, so you wanted Tsuna to get with the other character. But, having Kyoko cheat on Tsuna to pave the way for the pairing? Absolute FAIL.
Kyoko as one of the sweetest characters in the series would never do that. There are plenty of other reasons for Kyoko and Tsuna to break up(perhaps Kyoko was sick of being kept in the dark despite being involved with Tsuna and knowing about the mafia or they just plain fell out of love because the spark was gone or they realized they didn't have much in common) - you don't need to demonize Kyoko in order to do so.

Just so very disappointed,

Me.

Okay, so I ship Holmes/Watson to no end, as does most (if not all) of this quaint little fandom. And as much as I enjoy my smutty little fanfics, there is one huge GLARING issue I'm tracking.

Homosexuality was a crime in the UK during our setting of the late 1800s. Like, as in, "we caught you doing naughty things to this other man, we're going to send you to prision nao" illegal. The death penalty wasn't the punishment at this point, but still illegal.

So Holmes and Watson making out in the streets of London? No. Remembering your setting? Yes.